Thursday, September 29, 2011

Adjusting to 3: PART 1 The Back Story To Songs In My Head

Mama Said There’d Be Day Like This

I make strong associations during major events in my life. I remember smells or clothes I wore on certain days. Bath and Body Works Sweet Pea will forever remind me of High School. I remember the outfit I wore when Andy proposed and the outfit I wore the last time I hugged my mom.

Another association I make is getting songs stuck in my head. For example when my mom passed away six years ago, I knew I had to find the strength to let go of someone I had basically been a caregiver for since high school. I had many mixed emotions grieving someone I loved, but who never let me in as she fought for her independence that was slipping away. The song that was blaring in my head like sirens that never faded or became softer from getting further away the entire time we went through the steps of making preparations for the funeral through attending the funeral and burial was Shedaisy’s Don’t Worry ‘Bout A Thing….

Life is funny, life's a mess

Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing

Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it

Life gets sticky, life can bruise

Sometimes you win sometimes your losing

No matter what it brings

Don't worry 'bout a thing...

Every time I hear that song, strong memories flood my mind and emotions rain down.

Last week as I floundered with adjusting to having three children, a differenct line from a different song echoed in my head.

The line

Mama said there’d be days like this, there’ll be days like this Mama said…

played on repeat in my head. Which is ironic since my own mama was never able to give me advice about being a mom. At the age of 26 I lost having a mother to share being a mom with.

I blog to live life in retrospect, savoring our fleeting moments as a family and so my kids can always look back, never having to wonder how their mom viewed the world or what she loved about life. I wonder so many things about my mom that will forever go unanswered. For this second reason I keep the tone on here pretty light hearted. I have gone back and forth on posting some things…ultimately deciding that life isn’t all unicorns and pixy dust. And I want my kids to have a mama that teaches them how to bounce back on the rough days when the lyrics… Mama said there’d be days like this, there’ll be days like this Mama said…are stuck in their heads.