Wednesday, December 11, 2013

O Christmas Tree

Every year we venture up to the mountains, trek through a forest, and cut down a tree out in the beauty of nature.

Andy grew up with this tradition.

I grew up assembling our artificial tree in the warmth of our home.

Some years I have been pregnant and gigantic roaming the mountains for our tree.

Some years we were extreme hiking up vertical inclines for our tree.


Can I just say that a tree naturally growing in a forest up in the mountains never has a good side.

All sides have lop-sided branches...all sides have bare spots...all sides indicate that an animal probably took up shelter there for at least a brief moment.

It's a interesting feat to make a tree you hiked up a vertical incline, in a forest, up in the mountains look glamorous.

Every year I point out that it is possible to buy a real tree at...Walgreens...King Soopers...Costco...or Aspen Grove where they will even flock it pink for you!

Every year Andy tells me to stop being a hater and find all our snow gear.

Well, this year we have been experiencing record low temps.

And have 3 small kids to bundle up and hike through the mountains for a tree with.

Andy said maybe we shouldn't go up to the mountains, hike through a forest and cut down a tree with 3 kids this year.

This was the year I was going to get my pink tree from Aspen Grove!

This was monumental people.

I have wanted a pink tree for 10 years.

So we loaded everyone up in the truck sans all the snow gear and headed to Aspen Grove.

This chick was spastically, over the moon excited and filled with glee!

We arrive at Aspen Grove and walk right up to the tallest tree in the lot. Granted it is like 4 foot shorter than we are used's the biggest they have.

Then I turn over the price tag...


I did a double take because surely my mind registered that wrong.


Folks, let me just say that damn tree better come delivered to my door, decorated, with presents under it for $399.99.

So we load back up into the truck and head to Costco.

My dreams of a pink Aspen Grove tree dashed.

The kids are getting feisty by the time we arrive at the truck of trees in the Costco parking lot...all out civil war erupts by the time we get home with our store bought real tree because although 3 kids can fit in daddy's truck...3 kids can all touch each other in daddy's truck. So the hitting and hitting back always reaves up. Privileges are threatened. Privileges are lost. Tears are shed.

It was turning out to be a lovely night.

Whatever. $48 spent and we have a tree!

We proceed to throw some corn dogs in the microwave for the kids and unwrap the tree.

Here it is unwrapped.

Nothing happened.

Beautiful branches did not gracefully fall into place as I envisioned.


We have a frozen solid real tree cone.

Quick google search says put it in the garage...wait 3 days for it to unthaw.


Not gonna happen. I was decorating that tree that night.

So out came the blow dryer...

Fire place turned on, space heater pulled out...

Hour and a half later we have some progress...

Then the entire living room went black.

NBD. Andy puts on his slippers, throws the breaker, and we are back in business.

Then I hear a scream from Andy & AJ yell, "TIMBER!!!"

I turn to see a tree on the floor, but no Andy.

Then he's yelling help and I realize he is under the tree.

At this point I lose it. Laughing till I can't breath or pick up a heavy tree that is on top of Andy.

Finally I pull myself together and pick up the tree.

Assessment of the tree stand indicates it's completely broken.

So at like 9 something Andy heads to Home Depot.

We went to bed at 1am with decorated tree.

It was a fabulous tree experience.



The Guess Family said...

I am cracking up at this!!! It sounds like anything we do. 50% fun 50% torture. It never goes down in real life like it plays out in my mind. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Jaime and Glen said...

I just love your posts and this one is one of the best. Sorry you didn't get your pink tree but a story is so much better! Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

Best post ever!!! This fully describes what it is to be a parent- and how to make lemonade out of lemons!!! Andy cracks me up! Too bad about the $400 tree...Maybe someday!! I did read on Pinterest that you can flock your own tree by using soap flakes and I think water. I'll have to look it up for you.
Happy Friday, Chica!